Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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