thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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