you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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