I got chris browned last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
