I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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