There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
