the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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