so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry about my life...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So vagazzling was a success
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
