you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
time to smoke my breakfast
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
