i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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