just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize