yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
