I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
