I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
