girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
