Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
