pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
