Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
