U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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