Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
