sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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