One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
