so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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