did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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