history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize