We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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