dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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