oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
