drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
