I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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