I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
