I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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