At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I look better un-naked...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
