you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
