i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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