come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i need some magic done to my vagina
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
