i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
