So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
