Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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