I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
