I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
