Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
