apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize