Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
