This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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