I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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