when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize