I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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