u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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