how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
