i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
