I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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