Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize