Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
