dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
