If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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