I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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