thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
