ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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